I know that I haven't been very active on my blog despite promise after promise that I would be more active on it. I am taking back all those promises, and I am sorry for being an Indian giver. I just wanted to catch everyone up on the things that have been going on over the past month. The first of them being my move and how that has effected things like my internet use. Somehow, I have just realized that I don't need the internet as much. I might go days without using it at all, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I know once I am in school and working on projects and papers again, but I have become less dependent on the computer and the internet and it is nice to have that chance to see what is out there sometimes. I often wonder if I am spending too much time hiding form the real world behind a computer screen. I tend to do that and live in fantasies in my writing instead of going out there and living life. I don't want that for myself anymore, and I am hoping that one day it won't be a problem.
Anyways, for those of you that don't know, I moved back to Georgia. It was a quick decision and a quick move to not prolong the pain of knowing I was leaving of those that I loved. I am at the decision that it was the best thing for me even after being home a bit. I wasn't enjoying the school I was attending, wasn't enjoying my job, was falling behind in my mind set, and I just plain wasn't happy with where I was. Slowly, I am turning some of that around, and in doing that I have learned more and more about myself. I am not yet at the plateau of the move. I haven't completely settled in yet, just ask my socks that are still sitting in a basket on the floor. I am back though and mostly acclimated to the lifestyle that is lived here. Though the dynamic and temperance of the place has completely changed. Anyone who has known me long enough will know exactly what that last sentence really means.
Went to the school and reapplied and somehow my past school sent the wrong transcripts. How you send transcripts that say you are still enrolled in classes that are going on while you've been moved away, I don't know. I have to fax my school in Michigan a few things to be filled out and then sent to Gordon. Then I will be all enrolled and be ready to start in January. From what I have been told, I will have a tutoring position open to me as soon as I am back too. That is nice to know, but a bit nerve wracking. I need to brush up on my MLA again. All this APA for the past few years is having me play the catch-up game, but that's okay. I know that a lot of people here don't know APA and that certain programs use it. So, I will be useful to them. I cannot say that I am not glad to have brought all my APA stuff back with me.
Since I've been home I've been able to reunite with a lot of friends and I have loved that beyond all belief. I am a people person, and to be back around people that are my peers and that I love and know love me is a great feeling. I actually feel like I am about to be twenty-five. That is not a punch at my older friends either because I love them all the same. Just at times I felt like I needed to be older than I am to understand exactly where they are coming from. It doesn't mean I love them any less, it was just different. Both still are relationships that I love and have treasured. Just the opportunity to have a few of my very close friends back in my life has made a big difference though.
Over the past two weeks my art has taken to the back burner. By time night comes, I am just too tired to mess with it lately. Maybe it's because I am dreading making these Christmas cards. Debbie was right, no one can ever make EVERYONE on their list Christmas cards. I started with a number of forty some and I've gotten ten done. Which means that I probably will get twenty total done and only send out a select few to those who really deserve and appreciate them. They are coming out beautifully though. A very vintage feel is to them, so I can say that I am very proud of most of them. A few I did too late at night and aren't quite finished looking, so I might need to go back and add some more detail to those ones. I miss working on my art though, so tonight I might make that a focus. I probably would focus more on it anyways if I got cell service out in the garage/pole barn where my little art table/studio has been formed. It's hard to not talk to a person you talk to every night. Though, I know that person would understand.
I guess I brought this person up, so I need to go there too. Isn't it funny how the world works? And maybe, dare I say it? God works. I need to jump back a bit to make this whole thing made sense. In my life, I have only ever truly loved two men. There was my first love who I barely talk to anymore and then there is this guy. We dated when we were young and neither of us were in the right mindset to date the way were or as serious as we had been. We broke it off, but we stayed good friends...till about two years ago. We had talked a lot till that point, and what happened then? He got serious with another girl. She felt threatened by me and literally deleted my number from his phone. I still talked with his Momma on occasion through text and I even sent him a letter or two. He was in southern Georgia and I was in Michigan. We knew it couldn't work that way, but didn't mean the feelings weren't still there.
About two years ago, we stopped talking completely. Besides a brief period of time when they had broke up. And me, being the idiot who always wants what is best for those I care about in life, urged him to get back with his fiancee if he loved her so much that it was the best thing that he could do was to try and get her back. Well, that was a year ago and then we stopped talking again. A week after moving back home I got a text on my phone, my Michigan number, from a number I didn't recognize. Well, I texted it back asking who it was and at first got no response, I had really bad service with Sprint in this house, so when the number called I was at odds. I googled the number since I had no idea where it was from and I noticed it was from South Georgia. I immediately thought the worst and assumed it was his fiancee.
To my surprise, it was him. We talked and I found out they had been broken up for awhile and that he had gone through quite the process to get a hold of me. He looked up my number for my home phone in Michigan and called with no answer, we never answered it and I wasn’t home anyways. Then he looked for my number from his Mom who I still talked to, but she’d cleared her numbers out of her phone to get a new one, but she’d saved a text from me on mother’s day. Anyways, he got a hold of me and we got together the next few weekends. For the past two weekends now we have spent the whole weekends together. He’s still not over his ex though so there’s nothing official going on. It is frustrating for me because I am close to him, but I am frustrated a bit by it. I care so much that it’s hard to let him do what I know he has to do. Getting the place we want to be for each other and to make it work is what we both want, so I know I need to give him space. Just taking a deep breath and trying to not to let it get to me. I don’t want to curse it, but I wonder where this might go. I have high hopes, but I need to do the thing I am not good at – have patience.
Other than that not much is new that I can really reveal yet, but I have some big things in store for myself. Wish me luck ladies and gents.
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