I think that during the time span of Mid-May that I was able to have some amazing conversations, and through the honestly of the situation I found out a lot not only about myself but about my friends too. To give a little background, without all the details, Brad**, was dealing with a few female issues. He was in love with a girl for six years who wasn't sure what she wanted during that time span. He seemed to be vaguely blind to the fact, so he's said something about her always keeping her an arm's length away.
It made me really think before replying to him, but I wanted this nice guy to realize that she wasn't interested. After a bit I replied to his text with, "You said she was keeping you an arm's length away. The fact that she is pushing you away instead of grabbing your shirt and pulling you closer seems to be a sign she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. She's keeping that distance for a reason." Men, for as good as they claim to be, at getting hints in all actuality seem to be terrible at picking up the biggest of hints.
When a woman leads you on for weeks, months, or even possibly years.. something is off. In the specific case above it was just timing, but generally there are bigger issues that are there. Women, in my opinion, are generally very silly creatures that don't truly want to hurt someone that they are close with in ANY way. So, when there is a guy who is friends with a girl that holds them that "arms length away" it is generally to not play hard to get. It is the way to tell the friend that there is no more then a friendship there. There are always exceptions, but those are far and few between.
All-in-all, women are simple creatures. If they want a male friend to be more than a friend, then the arm's length distance will disappear. My way of seeing things is to grip their shirt and pull them closer. It may not in reality be so pronounced, as some people are more shy then others. Any woman who really wants a friend as more won't play hard to get for too long.
If it is through about simply, then this metaphor really shouldn't be too hard to understand. Men's idea is that the arm's length is just "playing hard to get," but what needs to be clear is such: playing hard to get lasts minutes, hours, or maybe a day or two. If it has been any longer than a week (MAYBE two), then she is sending you a very different signal to try and prevent hurting you. Don't hold on too tightly to the friend that is holding you at a distance.
* Note: Date written.
** Name change
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Impatience (7/25/2010)*
So, patience is a virtue, and it has never been a virtue that I have not had much practice in. Though a conversation that I have with one of my newer friends, Brad**, in Mid-May, I said something that really stood out in my mind. We had been talking about the fact that we both were very impatient people - specially in the ways of relationships and being single. The wittiest and most true thing I have ever told him came out, "I guess the way that I view impatience is that you can't really be impatient without already knowing exactly what you want." I didn't at that time realize how smart what I said was. People in this world are all about fast paced and perfect. In Brad and my case we had been discussing relationships, but it was a theory that I realized I can apply to all aspects of my life.
I am frustrated with school and how long it has been taking me and how long I have left. I am impatient with school because I know what my eventual goal is. I want to teach at a college, and I am ready to just be there. So, I am trying to rush things and get it all done as quickly as possible to reach that goal. Instead of enjoying my life I realize exactly what I want, and I reach for it.
Even in relationships, the original topic from the comment, I am the same way. I'm not the only one though. Brad is kinda my proof of that. He want his "Pam" (enter The Office jokes here) and his "Jenny" (Forest Gump). He was impatient because he saw exactly what he wanted and knew exactly who she was. In the end, his impatience has paid off. They are happy, and nothing in my life has been able to make me happier then seeing two friends happy. I see what I want in the guys I date, and I despise knowing exactly what I want in the relationships... my impatience is just going to have to continue to grow. It'll come eventually, right?
I'm not saying impatience is a good thing, but in theory it seems to prove that you know what you want. Looking at life, impatience is this huge indicator that you know the direction you want your mind and life to go in. Sure, we have to wait it out to reach those goals, but who would we be without a little bit of a wait? We wouldn't know how great it was to have what we'd wanted if we didn't wait. So, the next time you realize that you are impatient with anything going on in your life. Take a minute to wonder why you are so impatient.
Maybe my theory is just a spoof. That is why it is a theory. Maybe it is just how I see things, but I would make a bet that it is because there is a specific goal or outcome that you expect or want from the situation. In the end, that is good cause from impatience we also usually have to have a deal of patience to reach those goals and relationships. Why let life go any way but exactly how you want it to? Your life is yours, and all those things that you are impatient for... reach out and go after them.
*Note: This was the date that this blog was written.
**Note: Name has been changed.
I am frustrated with school and how long it has been taking me and how long I have left. I am impatient with school because I know what my eventual goal is. I want to teach at a college, and I am ready to just be there. So, I am trying to rush things and get it all done as quickly as possible to reach that goal. Instead of enjoying my life I realize exactly what I want, and I reach for it.
Even in relationships, the original topic from the comment, I am the same way. I'm not the only one though. Brad is kinda my proof of that. He want his "Pam" (enter The Office jokes here) and his "Jenny" (Forest Gump). He was impatient because he saw exactly what he wanted and knew exactly who she was. In the end, his impatience has paid off. They are happy, and nothing in my life has been able to make me happier then seeing two friends happy. I see what I want in the guys I date, and I despise knowing exactly what I want in the relationships... my impatience is just going to have to continue to grow. It'll come eventually, right?
I'm not saying impatience is a good thing, but in theory it seems to prove that you know what you want. Looking at life, impatience is this huge indicator that you know the direction you want your mind and life to go in. Sure, we have to wait it out to reach those goals, but who would we be without a little bit of a wait? We wouldn't know how great it was to have what we'd wanted if we didn't wait. So, the next time you realize that you are impatient with anything going on in your life. Take a minute to wonder why you are so impatient.
Maybe my theory is just a spoof. That is why it is a theory. Maybe it is just how I see things, but I would make a bet that it is because there is a specific goal or outcome that you expect or want from the situation. In the end, that is good cause from impatience we also usually have to have a deal of patience to reach those goals and relationships. Why let life go any way but exactly how you want it to? Your life is yours, and all those things that you are impatient for... reach out and go after them.
*Note: This was the date that this blog was written.
**Note: Name has been changed.
Extra Baggage (7/25/2010)*
I love my cousin, and in most thing in my life she has been the rock that I rely on. What I say may hurt her a little bit if she reads this, but I do think she will understand. With my recent move to Michigan she has once again helped me by making me as comfortable as possible with her friends that have become very good friends also to me. I adore her, and I adore the friends that have come from such actions. It is just sometimes I feel like extra baggage that was invited on a technicality. I know that I am probably over reacting, but it is just the fact that I don't want them to feel like that towards me.
If they do not want me there, then I don't want them to feel like they are obligated to invite me. I am grown-up and mature enough to accept that they are her friends first. There is a reason that they became friends. Now, my cousin and I are related, but we are very different people. That is not an insult either because we have seen different things in this world to form the amazing people we both are. I just hope that with these new friends that I have met that it isn't that they stay friends with me just because of my cousin. I want to be liked and invited to these group events because of me and not an obligation.
Maybe I am just being overly insecure, and I do realize that is a possibility. I just hope that once my cousin leaves for school that I do not loose the only life lines in the friend area that I have in Michigan. Time will tell. I know that even if it is just that I am extra baggage, and all these people desert me... I will be okay. I'm a strong person, right? Plus, I could be totally wrong. I jsut don't put much faith in any possibilities anymore.
*Note: This was written on such date on paper with a pen. I am trying to do that first for my own personal reasons lately.
If they do not want me there, then I don't want them to feel like they are obligated to invite me. I am grown-up and mature enough to accept that they are her friends first. There is a reason that they became friends. Now, my cousin and I are related, but we are very different people. That is not an insult either because we have seen different things in this world to form the amazing people we both are. I just hope that with these new friends that I have met that it isn't that they stay friends with me just because of my cousin. I want to be liked and invited to these group events because of me and not an obligation.
Maybe I am just being overly insecure, and I do realize that is a possibility. I just hope that once my cousin leaves for school that I do not loose the only life lines in the friend area that I have in Michigan. Time will tell. I know that even if it is just that I am extra baggage, and all these people desert me... I will be okay. I'm a strong person, right? Plus, I could be totally wrong. I jsut don't put much faith in any possibilities anymore.
*Note: This was written on such date on paper with a pen. I am trying to do that first for my own personal reasons lately.
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