Long Lasting Memories

Tonight, for some reason, I am being haunted by the past and my mind has been stuck in that mode. Yesterday, October 3rd, my youngest sister turned eighteen, and I am sure that is part of it. Another part, is that I am talking to people from my past more and more in the recent days. Nothing wrong with that, but it seems to have made me go through all my old pictures. I ended the night in waterworks. Somewhere along the line of tonight the idea of getting an early start on bed got ruined. Where that happened, I'm not quite sure. After I got done talking to a friend, the plan had been bed... Then it all slipped away. Time has just flown by so quickly that I am looking back at some of these photographs and remembering things that I can't even imagine now. People that I barely even talk to who I have pictures of. The memories that go with each sets of pictures. I just...am at a loss right now. Where I was then, where I am now. It all is just so...wow. I know that this is the worst worded blog ever, but I think that is okay.

My sister, in this picture, is celebrating her eight birthday. EIGHT! She turned eighteen just a few hours ago. In the same album I have pictures of my brother's birthday. I look at these things and remember some crazy times. I remember playing Barbies with my older of my two sisters, Jessica, and telling my youngest sister, Amanda, that she couldn't play with us because she just didn't understand. I remember the day that we brought my brother home from the hospital for the first time. Then I think about today and how estranged things seem from these pictures. My sisters both live out on the West coast, and my brother, Jozef, is "too cool" for time to talk to his sister. And he's only sixteen now. Speaking of which, check out this next picture! Gotta say that eh still loved me then, huh? Plus, it's a little good fun in the blackmail area.

And that is just my brother and sisters that I have tortured so far. Let me continue... I have had some great friends in my life, and looking back I cannot imagine what high school, and even middle school, would have been like without a majority of them. Those memories are just as haunting. Going to wrestling matches with April and coming back exhausted. Having her straighten my hair that was well to my lower back for the first time. Getting ready for dances while she was at my house. Her running in the middle of the "photography session" that my mother was having so that she could get dolled up to be in the pictures too. Don't worry, April, I won't put up the first pictures my mom caught you with.

The same year as the above picture, I met someone who has become my best friend in this world. She is the one person who I have still kept in contact with more than any of the others. We have so many memories that I don't even know where to begin. I suppose starting with a zillion inside jokes such as, "scales," "screwdriver" and "restraining order" all would be a good beginning. Taking flowers and balloons to her house on her sixteenth birthday despite the fact we had a snow day and all the things that have happened since then. This is a memory just for her and I and Sarah, don't kill me for it.

So, I suppose only after mentioning the scales joke that I have to put up this next picture, as we might have been watching Moulin Rouge that night, and I might have had a blonde moment that more than just Sarah was there to witness. Erin, Rachelle, George, Jesse, and a few others managed to make that a memorable 16th birthday.

OH! Let's jump back for a minute because I have a few more people that I'd like to get in on this. Welcome to the eighth grade dance. Obviously, this in itself shows who I was close to by the end of eighth grade.

And to jump back we get to seventh and eight grade and my best friend of the time Rachelle. We did everything together in middle school and we went through our beginning years of puberty together. I was so close with her that I thought that friendship would never end. When that happened, I am not so sure. This was still back when slumber parties were cool, folks.

Leaving high school to an unknown place hadn't been easy, and it wasn't still Senior year that I really felt like I had a place, and that wasn't till FFA and those people that I got to work with on a close level were what got me through in a few different ways. I was able to learn and expand on my life in such a different way that this city girl would never have expected to come to. Those people that helped me meet that were close to me, and I hope that I won't be killed by any of them for putting this picture up here. Anyways, the trip that effected me most was when we all as officers, and Chris, hiked our way up to Kentucky for National Convention.

Some friends, after high school, stick around awhile, and it is interesting to look back and wonder where the lines got drawn. Still, to this day, I have friends that I miss. Looking at these pictures brought back a night of a particular bonfire that I had a blast at. The people in this picture (Paul, Tanita, and Don) have all effected my life long after high school, and that is part of the grandeur in good friendships and people you can relate to. And this night no where near explains the memories that I have had with these three friends. Though, it was the only time that the memories include the three together.

Just after high school, and also in Pike, I got to know a group of people and in that I made great friends. Those people aren't easily forgotten and that is all part f the reason that I am who I am today. Seth, Jefferey, and Ryan, don't think I've forgotten about you just yet. Those bonfires, long talks, and dreaded nights of never ending fun don't get forgotten too easily.

In high school and middle school, I was lucky enough to be able to have people to look up to that I don't know how, looking back, I would have been able to understand my on life and hardships without. Mentors are an important part of a teenager's life, and there were three people in my time of growing up that I looked up to. The memories with these three people are endless, but the importance of what these three did is unexplainable. So, for that I need to thank Coach Leissa, Mr. Davis, Melissa Bottoms, and Mr. Ransom for a world of knowledge both inside and outside of the classroom. None of it will ever be forgotten and that is part of the wonders of the world. I know that a few of you may never see this, but I know that it is truth which needs to be said, thank you.

This is all before I even get into the past loves and relationships. Those are what I could write a book on by themselves. I suppose that is part of the reason why they got saved for last. The first time I fell for a guy I was in seventh grade, and I knew that I liked this guy. I suppose I can thank the fact we had to join a club. Red Cross Club had been my choice, and I knew right away when I felt what I did. Stupid right? I guess not. He ignored me till high school and that is when things changed. Life changed a lot and the times weren't always easy, but we had made it for awhile. Those memories are so vast that they can't be touched on, but they are just as important than any others. It isn't even just the good ones either, but those are preferred. Sometimes the bad and the remembering of a heartbreak are what make me who I am today with all the relationships that I pursue. From Jesse I learned that I needed to first take a focus on me before I bring someone else into the chaos that I call life. One of the many lessons that I can thank him for. But, a favorite memory comes in this picture. Shows a lot more heart and care than I think a lot of my friends ever gave Jesse credit for, and maybe me too.

My biggest lesson from a ex though came with Clayton. I was a fool in high school, and I believed everything that I ever was told by someone. The biggest lesson that he taught me would be that not everyone can be trusted and that sometimes...not everything is what it seems. You can care for a person and still have a front and an appearance to hide yourself from them, and for that lesson I need to be thankful. Learning it fairly early in my life meant that I later would save myself some mistakes. We had a few good times, but in the end it is the lessons that count. Was it real love? I still to this day can't say. Also, I adore the random chickens in this photograph.

I suppose my point is, our lives change because of the people that have been in them. I know this is pretty deep in thought for it being one in the morning, but I felt that it was necessary to make the point that though these people may not be in my life anymore, they still effect it, even if I haven't seen you in years. Thank you for anything you've given me, and I hope that maybe I've sparked a positive memory of us back to you.